The Life Cycle of Goth’s

If a Goth was its own predatory species and not a subculture this is what I would imagine its life cycle to be. This is just a little imaginary fun, no harm meant to anyone. Also, yes this is supposed to be completely ridiculous.

Mall-Goth
These are the youngsters of a species much like Goth’s and are often only associated with the species due to the similarities in their appearances. They sometimes grow into Baby-Bat’s but more often die off after being consumed by a particularly hungry Elitist-Goth (Definition ahead). They are often recognised by their often large and dark pants, strewn with metal chains and other such provoking but harmless things. They almost never know the roots of what they are attempting to mimic.
Strengths: Their ability to loiter is overwhelmingly obvious, if only there was such thing as a loitering contest.
Weaknesses: These creatures seem to take offense in any thing; even something as complementary as “You look very spooky today” is met with a glare.
Baby-Bat
These creatures reasonably well know of the “roots” of their ancestors. They may listen too some Bauhaus or The Sister’s of Mercy but most of the time revert back to other such genres, for examples metal or electronic music. These Baby-Bats have the intelligence and defensive mechanism to grow into Mature-Goth’s.
Strengths: As Baby-Bat’s are in their prime for cliché their strength’s would presumably be writing horrible, dramatic poetry.
Weaknesses: They are often mistaken for Mall-Goth’s or even Emo’s.
Academic-Goth
Academic-Goth is the stage in which the Goth has the knowledge and wit of the species but is still growing intellectually. They most often don’t have the resources to hone their appearance or time to socialize with others as such as themselves.
Strengths: This stage is incredibly curious and takes most advantages to learning more about the roots of their interest.
Weaknesses: Lack of time to take advantage of their curiosity. This leads to simple mistakes such as eating Baby-Bat’s instead of Mall-Goth’s.
Mature-Goth
This stage has many stages within. Corp-Goth, Romanti-Goth, Cyber-Goth, the list goes on but a Mature-Goth tends to be a Goth with time, that of which Academic-Goth’s have little. They also have more socializing time and therefore have a greater intellect than the Academic-Goth also.
Strengths: The vast subspecies of Mature-Goths creates variety and development through “mixing”.
Weaknesses: N/A
Elitist-Goth
Though all stages of the Goth’s development involve somewhat elitist traits, this is the stage with the most predominant use of these skills. The Elitist-Goth is at the species intellectual prime.
Strengths: Elitist-Goth’s are often prized on their ability to eat up whole live Mall-Goth’s.
Weaknesses: Disliked generally by other generations of Goth’s, though this isn’t always true.
Trad-Goth
These are not the stereotypical Traditional Goth’s know as Ancestors (which will be later defined) but are now the Trad-Goth’s of their generations. This is the stage of development in which the Trad-Goth is taking care of and teaching the new Baby-Bat generation. Some Goth’s may skip this stage.
Strengths: Trad-Goth’s are comfortable in themselves and their family scenes.
Weaknesses: Are often consumed in explaining to Mall-Goth’s why Marilyn Manson is not Goth music.
Ancestor-Goth
These are the ancient Goth’s that had grown past their years of Gothdom. They each strip themselves of their titles and spend the remainder of their day’s saying things such as “In my day Goth was (insert insult to developing culture here)” or “I was a Goth, back in the day, I grew out of it.”
Strengths: Ability to feel nostalgic and create discrete insults.
Weaknesses: Are prone to misinformation about the species and often is ravenous towards developing species, especially Cyber-Goths.
Secret Goth Cabal Tribunal
These are the Trad-Goth’s that simply refused to strip themselves of their beloved title even in the face of death. They evolved instead into higher beings, each with their own, all knowing, knowledge of the species. They give and take Goth-Cred points and set a list of approved activities the younger Gothlings are allowed to take part in, which the mature Goth’s tend to disregard for such ridiculous ideas such as “Self-Will”.
Strengths: All knowing, information about everything.
Weaknesses: Often in their age are prone to particularly boring Gothling approved activities lists.

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4 Comments

  1. Hey

    You may not have seen me before, but I've been haunting the Ultimate goth guide and decided to pop over to your blog.

    This post was so well done, I applaud. 🙂

    *I think I'm in between baby bat and academic goth, I never was a mallgoth Thank God!*

    Thanks for helping to teach us juniors the ways of gothdom!

    Good luck

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