Three Tips For Babybats That I Wish I Had Followed

This is a post in the series of The Goth Challenge altered by
Darkstalker Girl from a former Lolita Challenge. Find more information here.

While, I obviously don’t feel that I’m the ultimate all knowing Goth (I know way too many people that could kick my ass in that area) I do wish that I had done some things better when I was younger.

bat, fruit bat, hanging, close up,
This photo is from Longhorndave on Flickr

Stop Trying To Be Other People

You may think that you’ll be happy when you’re as ‘beautiful’ or as ‘interesting’ as someone else, but you never will be. It’s hard, but you need to be yourself to be happy. It takes so much longer and so much hard work to find yourself but in the end it’s worth it.

On that note.

Stop Comparing Yourself To Others

It’s hurts to compare yourself with others and it isn’t worth it, because you will never know the whole story – just the shell. It took me the longest time to realise that I just have to accept myself as I am because unless I have a facelift, I’m going to be this person for the rest of my life. Lots of people you love may look awesome with winged eyeliner. But that may not work for you and that’s okay. You can look kickass in something else!

Other People In The Subculture Are Just That: People

They may seem intimidating at first. You may put them on a pedastool as better than you at dressing or doing makeup; whatever. But they are also people that make mistakes and have flaws. Putting people higher than you just makes you feel bad when you can’t measure up to what they do, or makes you fall harder when they have a complete different opinion than yourself.

We’re all still growing and learning, making mistakes and remembering. That’s why it’s rather silly that we only give tips to the new-comers. Every one has something to learn (even if they present themselves as the most elitist dick, you couldn’t think possible – okay, that was a bit too snappy).

Anyway, what do you wish you knew coming into your subculture? Do you have any tips for me?



  1. July 25, 2013 / 12:03 pm

    Bravo! Especially that last part. It kinda explains the saying: "You can never truly be free if you admire someone too much."

  2. July 25, 2013 / 1:24 pm

    I wish I knew I wasn't supposed to use one pattern more than one time in an outfit XD like, at the time, I was wearing a striped tee? Then I would put on striped gloves and striped tights, with the exact same colours XD well, I really wish I'd known better back then… XD

    • July 27, 2013 / 12:14 am

      I did the same thing! I shudder to think of it. xD

  3. July 25, 2013 / 2:13 pm

    Yes, I wish I hadn't cared so much about fitting in. At first I didn't, then there was a period in the middle when I cared too much about fitting in, having all the clothes, etc. I spent too much money and too much time caring about what others thought so I had to step away for a while to find myself. Now I know I can just be myself and I don't have to fit into a box. 🙂

    • July 27, 2013 / 12:16 am

      I understand that so much. I'm still in the period of stepping away to find myself and it's so hard!

  4. July 25, 2013 / 2:14 pm

    Great insight.
    I would say, it's okay to not label everything as goth. Putting everything into little boxes only narrows your point-of-view and the world around you. I actually dislike the little cartoon that depicts all the sub-labels of goths, at first it was cute and fun and now it's like a gospel. Be you and don't feel the need to explain yourself (unless you want to!)

    • July 27, 2013 / 12:15 am

      I actually had a whole paragraph dedicated to this same thing but ended up deleting it! I'm glad you guys agree though. :3

  5. July 25, 2013 / 4:59 pm

    Bravo!! These are all VERY good things to remember! It's unfortunate that our culture is sooo into "you MUST be like everyone else" in whatever group(s) you're a part of. Children are so impressionable that they pick this up before they're a part of ANY group outside their family, and it takes years to unlearn it… unless you're a natural rebel to begin with! I was in my 30s before I figured out some of those things, and in my 40s when I figured out the rest! But it's NEVER too late to change, unless you're already dead. 😉

  6. July 27, 2013 / 8:39 pm

    I think I'm still very new to the scene so thanks for the pointers everyone! I will admit that I do find myself guilty to a few of these (okay, really all of them) so have to work on that.

    But, for me it's also just been really hard to find other people who are into the culture :(like that is my biggest gripe) That & not having a closet that reflects my tastes & styles (thank my parents for that 1). People are pretty judgmental & really don't believe me b/c I guess my attire doesn't scream "goth" to them… not really sure what to do about that, though. (I never wear any make up either) Any advice?

    • July 28, 2013 / 1:29 am

      That's a hard one. :/

      I would suggest meeting other alternatives online. There are some great Goth blogger communities (I'm in one!) that are very welcoming and very close (and contain those of all ages).

      You could start dressing in a bit more of what you want very slowly (second-hand stores are awesome as always) but keep it to a minimum. Alternatively you could talk to your parents about it. I always found that writing out what I wanted to say beforehand always helped me.

      As for people being silly and judgmental I'd say that it's okay that your attire doesn't scream Goth to them, because inside you know what you are. And if it's your friends saying this, then they aren't very nice friends.

      I hope that helped a bit!

    • July 31, 2013 / 6:23 am

      Thanks! I'll definitely try all these suggestions! I really appreciate the advice.
      Hopefully I can find more friends thru online communities! 🙂
      Also, I totally hadn't thought of that! Starting slow is probably the smartest idea in terms of clothes! 😀 Wow real good advice ^-^
      You're right bout people too; as long as I know it I guess no one else matters (sometimes my friends aren't nice :P)
      Thank you again & it definitely helped!!

  7. July 31, 2013 / 8:47 am

    I'm so happy that my advice was okay! :3

  8. August 13, 2013 / 7:22 pm

    Very very true! I used to compare myself to others constantly and I definitely had a hard time defining who I am because of that.

    When it comes to clothing I really wish I had known back then, that stripes and patterns in bright colours EVERYWHERE, mixed with black actually isn't such a great choice, style-wise.

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